cited: creative thought
Hope, always; continued
for The Fictional VolunTier Project
by goura fotadar
date typed up on: 121122; date worked on: 101222
tag[s]: cited: creative thought
along with chess club
Hope, always. possibly, re-visited;
The victim’s physical states are something uncommonly focused on by his supposed caretakers. It’s confusing for him; and everyone else; as he’s growing through his various stages of development. Review. The usual-usual – So his supposed caretakers attempt to place people; personas; around him that are bizarrely sympathetic to them.
Chess. Club. In a tying moment phases of development somehow seen through physical states; as just mentioned; translates to physical posturing from one-point state for another victim.
Personal journal style brief.
Then in glancing through; working on stuff …
the review of the …
“The geometry of the rectangular form of the …”
In a book that at this point is even on brief glancing able
to demonstrate some of that suggested in description
[cited p.178; gustav klimt, the magic of line …]
Back, to H.A. & C.C.
A combined treatment
formula could.
be
using the rectangle
treatment formula:
sum_of [rectangles]: <displace>
dark_magic_projections_of_this_hope_always_and_this_chess_club
willow cambrian, part two.
tag[s]: cited: creative thought
for The Fictional VolunTier Project
by goura fotadar
date, type up: 07/20/22
benefits such as food; lots of food at the grocery store; and free housing as long as we stayed in the same house. We also got clothes; and my parents|agreed that I had to dress as a girl and woman all-of the time; when I wasn’t playing sports. I kept up with the cooking; cooking on the weekends with spare items from the grocery list; and my parents didn’t like my cooking though I never offered these ones any of my food; and instead started a charity with my meals. I planned to keep this life up forever though it was miserable and really hard. Except as I started to approach 18; my parents who were really mean started telling me it was time to move on. That just cause I already had a career I couldn’t live off them forever. [review] It wasn’t culturally normal where I lived to move out of your folks home for any reason. Though there were houses around; many, they were already full and full of closeted people who didn’t accept any newcomers; even for trade. I also thought about how I provided for my parents with my career; and not the other way around. I didn’t know what I was going to do. Around that time I found out that my parents had an impersonator [sp?] of me. He would sort of lurk around wearing less feminine versions of my clothes. Though I had a lot of lurkers. I was desperate I didn’t know what to do. Around this time my parents said they wanted me
The chosen candidate [sp?]
to consider marriage to another man; as myself and demonstrate non-celibacy toward the chosen candidate. They said they already had someone picked out but he was a lot older than me; and didn’t play any sports. I was scared and terrified. I didn’t want this. Around this time I disappeared forever. Later I was seen in another reality; and had a different name; around the same age at the point of my disappearance. I could hardly recall what happened. People weren’t sure if it was the same person; and for the first time they started to gossip about me. Only it wasn’t all bad what they said.
Willow cambrian, part one.
tag[s]: cited: creative thought
for The Fictional VolunTier Project
by goura fotadar
date, typed up: 07/02/22; date[s] worked on: 06/13/22 … 06/24/22
[Review] My name was cited: Willow; cited: Cambrian. It was a regular story; I didn’t get along with my folks; and the regular story; we didn’t look anything alike. A lot of cheer-writing, cheery started as a way of making fun of me. It was lots of people; especially, my folks and people in power, around. Later my name was changed; and unlike many name changers; I didn’t keep the original; it was a way of my folks communicating to me; that they didn’t like me very much.
It was right here; well in the former modern world; before it advanced to the higher modern world. My folks were always short on wealth; though we seemed to have a lot; compared to most people, around. First; they forced me to play competitive sports. When I started; I was really young; and all of the others; were much older men; who weren’t nice at all. My story started with someone like a much older uncle; that’s all I can remember. He was hit in the head one day; I don’t know how or when. (I think the time cue of this happened before we ever met.) (When I came home …) he was already gone; still sitting upright at the dining table chair. I couldn’t believe it
the only person I could call to help me; said she would take me under her wing; and the body of my uncle was resumed into a clinical setting; where it was stored in a form of burial.
I couldn’t understand being born to a mom and dad; since I was born to an uncle; and also there was no woman in the picture. It was the regular story where persons snickered from time-to-time about how I was “different” since I was born to an uncle; and not mom and dad. The distribution of gender. Shelley built on this by calling me nephew and having me call her auntie. I noticed that Auntie moved different than I would expect a woman to move; and it scared me.
My excessive sport life hadn’t started yet; but I was only a few years old. Shelley held me tight at night and at my uncle’s house I had my own room. Sometimes I still walked by the bigger house; and nobody was inside. Outside was a sign that said foreclosure due to death.
*At night I helped Shelley cook dinner; which was usually macaroni noodles and green almost white lettuce; lots of cheese and no meat. Sometimes we made yam. Shelley said I looked like everybody else; but I also looked different; except Shelley wasn’t sure what the different was. Shelley said for example she could imagine me as a girl instead of as a boy. (Review line)
I became fascinated with cooking. My hands and mind worked actively to change the quality of dishes we cooked. Soon the market was full of food due to my effort and understanding of preparing meals. Everyone knew and most of the stuff was affordable. Shelley used a trade system to purchase our food. She had much more to trade; bu-she kept
us on a restricted amount of food. One day; before I turned five; Shelley asked me to have a seat; it was right before dinner; the noodles were still steaming; she said laughing about something that she wasn’t really a woman and that she didn’t want to take care of me, anymore. She said that I could still eat dinner but I had to pack up and leave tomorrow before breakfast. I started crying explaining that I had nowhere to go. I think people in the neighborhood could hear. Shelley seemed scared and said not to worry since she had some people that could come get me; she said maybe we could still keep in touch. I packed up after dinner and cried. In the morning two men came in a large car and said they lived up the road in a big house. It was a very long drive for just up the road. We ended up at a house. The next day one of the men told me he was going to be a woman now; and to call him Emma or Mom.
Soon after I started playing sports; and all the others on the team were much older than me. They got paid a salary for the same work; but since I was underage I didn’t get paid. My new father and mother said it would have been better if they had my body instead of me since they would have been paid a salary for the same work since my mother was actually a man. I didn’t understand what they meant and my body was so much smaller than theirs; since I wasn’t even six yet. As I got older still a kid; and then a teenager; the other men on the team offered me illicit drugs and told me I had to wear women’s and girls clothes; since a woman had once cared for me; and my family didn’t have any money or wealth without my playing sports. Though I didn’t get a salary; by my fourth year; we got certain wealth …
generational leaders … ?
for The Fictional VolunTier Project
by Goura Fotadar
date typed up: 04/30/22; date worked on: 04/25/22
tag[s]: cited: creative thought
[Review ideas. ] This victim has a person following him around; who starts attending a secondary or something such as that school with him. The person looks familiar but the victim doesn’t quite recognize for sure where he’s seen this person before. The person seems older than him by several years; but states that he’s one year younger. The victim feels ostracized in life; and also at school since his “parents” don’t like him and spread this everywhere. Also no-one that is actually identified [as] being in his generation despite their declaration of same exact age [no-one such is around]; and these older people identify with his “parents” who many know to be prominent and unholy child-kidnappers; who pose as an unjust homophobic couple. They attempt to keep the victim away from cultures of the modern day; and though he is growing up in the modern day. They enforce many attempted arrests [sp?] on the victim though he isn’t really committing [sp?] any unjust crimes; for not following their instructions. One thing they keep requesting [review] is use of the victim’s identity and falsification of his gender to female.
Before he knows it, the only who person reached out to him at school; starts referring to him as a woman; or a girl rather. At this point; the victim is afraid for his life and is highly concerned about losing out on his goal of attending a difficult and most prestigious college. He is also tied to another group of kids his age who he knows in the future that are constantly on the news for committing violent acts against what they consider to be unholy and unjust authorities without paying any criminal consequences. The person who was posing as his friend is simultaneously stalking this group along with other stalkers and posing as their close relations; such as fiance. The main stalker turns on him major and starts abusing him verbally; as other people start laughing. At this point he temporarily adjusts his identity to being female; and then switches back to his (regular) gender identity; right before college starts. The stalker continues to follow him for decades and attempts to pose as his girlfriend though being male; and also pretends to have the same IQ and career as the victim. The stalker actually uses military clearances to overtake all contexts, concerning the victim; and spreading to all of the victim’s future social groups. At this point; no-one knows what’s happening but people notice the victim is missing certain days; though he almost never misses work.
triangles: alone -ness + goals
advanced to triangular orbs: through orb power level triangular minor re-structuring and one order of addition
Hiding : about the read,
also called: the blooming of iris-es (at least part one) (floral essays)
for The Fictional VolunTier Project
tag[s]: cited: creative thought; floral weirds,
by goura fotadar
date, typed up on: 04/04/22
You were hiding there behind the read
it was just to show me you were really there; and if
I squinted really hard; I wouldn’t miss you, altogether
Of course as I squinted really hard near the read,
I wouldn’t have known for sure what you looked like
to recognize you elsewhere where I could see you full in the open;
in your regular states; in the way you were; as opposed to who you weren’t,
I would only know from the twinge of shade that I had seen against the red;
the feeling of what you were probably like
I couldn’t describe it; but I would just know it; for sure
I would know you this way; as well as; others who knew you in person,
Nearby from the read I would notice there was a place where there were things;
yes; like such as items, that you wanted for yourself;
and then I would see from the read; someone had helped you and you had been
able to get those items for yourself,
and that though you wanted those things real bad to use: including to see all the time;
a type of closeness; that’s what was there in the twinge of shade; I guess,
and those things, you could get some to give to others such as presents;
that was called being a girl and a woman;
and right now, there was nobody liking them or disliking them or both; who
she was willing to do that for,
I thought if there were things in the background when I looked,
I might be able to see you or her better
but the things in the background only worked a little bit better, to see you
I saw a bit more of the twinge of shade;
understood only a little more about you,
key-term: size,
what I finally understood which I had been seeing all along
was how you felt around the others who were nearby
they were so much bigger than you physically;
and that’s what you felt,
and so what was there you could do,
all you could do was blend until it was obvious to everyone nearby,
just how it had been to you all along
that you weren’t really blending with them; these were those who you
were un-blend-able with;
and I thought how about me; you could most definitely blend with me;
and everyone enemy or not or both would say so;
for sure, and this time: they couldn’t lie
in you a twinge of shade anywhere
crowded background or not or both,
and there I saw among the biggers
a twin to you; which was just you more ordinarily;
you in an earlier phase of attempting to blend with those that were unblended to you;
I wondered the usual story of how they had come into
possession of you;
oh how we all wonder this about the other
how did the enemy come into possession of me goura; and how hard I try to rid him from me;
but how he is confused that I am still choosing him; but I’m really not and I never will. any him that is enemy.
I wondered if this would work for you: I know they were all around;
but;
what if in your imagination; you said to yourself in a twinge of shade; you;
that you didn’t pick them despite their threatening size to you;
wouldn’t that have a chance of turning out better
then a great idea came about from the structure where you felt their size threatening to you;
you know this is the way you moved around the world or sphere or whatever it was called then;
the pre-space;
the organization of them threatening you moved with you wherever you went;
and it was a bit scary;
what if you could replace yourself with a made-up fiction person;
this was your realization of / called a moment of death.
using the structure you moved around with; you could use yourself a twinge of shade within the structure;
to find the made-up fiction person; since you didn’t really matter compared to what their threat could do to you,
you could use the twinge of shade meeting with made up others;
than you found the other; and of course he wasn’t made up though you had wished;
he had already replaced himself into the structure; and you moved next door to a larger structure;
where perhaps not all larger structures; but these ones were more controlled at threatening; and so now your blending was
singular alone sticking out un-blended; but this variety of non-blending (also such as presumed blending) worked for you.
The original structure changed a bit since he entered it became more organized;
and so you grew up along with him next door; in your original structure re-shapen;
and that’s as much as we know about him for sure.
[ magna <X> replace digiRo to unbloomI ]
[accompanying music citations, review: britney spears, I’m not a girl, not yet a woman; daft punk: around the world]
group
for The Fictional VolunTier Project
by Goura Fotadar
date typed up on: 03/12/22 ; worked on : 03/04/22 & 03/05/22
tag[s]: cited: creative thought
[part one.]
The victim is exposed to a group of guys; and-or other males that consider themselves to be above and-otherwise better than other people; and though this has been considered to be cliche; where he is from, this isn’t considered standard. This group of guys gets larger eventually ostracizing everyone else; and especially targeting the victim. They start to make strange statements, such as: “We’re going to have to move if you walk this way.” None of this makes any sense to the victim; and he also can’t understand what about them is actually everybody, else. Many people from this area; including the victim go missing.
part two.
This victim is often seen around other people that look several years older than him; such as one and two decades older than him. These people don’t seem to understand they aren’t exactly the same age as him; and start yelling at him; which seems to appear out of nowhere [r-bow assertions for a.c. r and co]; and happens frequently and also in public. The things they seem to be saying to him appear violent and senseless.
[consider a.c. m/r.p to res. of voice as t./r.]
Much of the references seem to be to gay sexuality and personally addressing this a criteria of being; [c.b.] for the younger individual victim. One application here might be for especially but maybe not for all v’s yet; and for this v; considering momentary stable inter-triangular such as situating an orb in this creation, of such.
This victim’s triangle, may be could be:
[part other.]
connecting the/these two triangles for assumed two different victims; here creating
one hypothetical entry to actual level of power/and-or
equivalency of orb.
orb
level of power/ and-or equivalency level is … ?
a rough testing
[cited: brainstormers et al]
this orb level of power/ and-or equivalency
level is … : 40 [an assumed starting level]
at this point of verification . [why. econ.budget.point of poverty.]
starting something like combination and-or 2nd co-creation
at the main target, point
at this point; keep loca-tives and-or points ordered in combination
mally moilly
for The Fictional VolunTier Project
by goura fotadar
date typed up, on: 030522
tag[s]: cited: creative thought
all the things that we saw were bright
showing signs of brightness
but nothing what you would call it full of glory, was present in this brightness
most wouldn’t notice the usual cliche that something was coming and-or it had come
seemed (seamed) into what already was;
but she mally moilly would know it you could see it in her expression on the sides, there
and also there was some color matching
all the colors matched together really well,
but many think that was actually mally moilly trying to conceal what her deeper emotions about each thing were
you know, like she didn’t trust who was around to reveal her feelings through expression
though this isn’t unusual it was considered to be then
and one unusual color matcher did show up but it was in a deeper shade than the usual colors,
and because such deep colorings of maybe expression and emotion were intended to be concealed by mally moilly
it looked more unusual than the others too but it did fit in;
and in the background there was one smaller and plain as the usual colors but it was a fake and it,
had a smaller unusual look to it but in plain color,
and that made mally moilly content again because if ever her deeper emotions were revealed to people she didn’t trust,
there was a fake cover up in the background that could do damage control for what she didn’t want to reveal;
to those she wasn’t comfortable with; and she would just rather them not know that about her
Eventually, the deeper color captured what had been done to her and the very thing that had been used; was
how she didn’t want to share what she was with them
In the middle of the the larger expressions in colors were things of smaller expression but with usual coloring,
and at the bottom was the almost murkiness that could be seen but at this point, it wasn’t murky yet
and mally moilly really preferred it unmurky and worked on that as a strife
and some would consider well mally moilly what if when it became murky it was automatically a clean and or sanitized version of murky would that also work for you ,
Yester-year Tagged part two. & recall making da
for The Fictional VolunTier Project
by Goura Fotadar
date, type up on: 02/19/21; date, worked on: such as 07/06/21
tag[s]: cited: creative thought, and proofs
hemisphere:
civilized non-civilized
hemisphere to hemisphere
. . .
would be considered a volatile homicide attempt. In that cue of time; most elders only believed
that if even she : the main victim; met others her own age in the non-civilized hemisphere:
there were a lot of things; events she would miss out on from where she was from.
Her friendly mannerisms and congenial attitude were different from the non-civilized
hemisphere; yet they didn’t change much; and it’s a way to recognize her among the masses.
As the years passed on; she was announced to be married quite young to the same individual who had
announced a crush on her; this announcement was made to various people especially the victim’s relations in the civilized hemisphere. Except no actual marriage had taken place; and the victim had no awareness that such a thing was being announced; and also as described; at this point does not know the supposed marriage partner, personally. It sounds as a punishment of laying eyes; as in she the victim had seen this person somewhere; and that’s enough for him to decide . . .
As the victim, goes missing.
& part second internal
recall
making dahlia
current context:
budget, space, enough
dahlia
had, lid, ah
budget, space, enough
new floral name: haddilha to solve such problem
[and consider making formula with such]
Yester-year Tagged part one.
for The Fictional VolunTier Project
by Goura Fotadar
date typed up on: 12/19/21; dates, worked on: 07/06/21-07/09/21
tag[s]: cited: creative thought
There was a group familial social scene that kept repeating. It’s a sentiment of culture where the “parents” were the ones mostly in charge of communicating and the children; if even older children defined by usual dating age as conceived at this point in time; internationally. There is a focus on one older child in one family who has decided that he has a bad crush on another older child in another family. He assumes the child who is concealed is also male like him; they are all covered up in overall garb of the outsides; and the only differences is the head-gear / garb defining religions affiliations. The older child-like figure has an explanation for why he has a * serious crush on the other; and yet no-one knows what his reason is.
a lot of folks overseas hearing this rendition of a crush believe what he sees in her as his explanation is an un-nice thing; they also don’t believe for sure he is an actual child; they think he and his family is/ are lying about his age. For whatever reason the victim never learns about his intentions for her; though she can recall seeing him there. Almost un-believable is the …
The victim’s family is related to and from a more developed place; but had told family and close relations they were re-locating to a less developed place at this point in time. Their explanation for this was unclear; especially since Dad was very well settled in his career/job. They decided they wanted to get away from it all: you know, all the responsibilities of the civilized world; to a place where there would be less to be responsible, for. It seemed strange as an explanation to their relations; but no-one around had the authority or power to stop this from happening: a reason for this was; that is for the strangeness: was that the moving family had a child under the age of eleven; who was growing up in relation to the civilized world; and happily.
In the modern day; here defined by a modern time cue of even the same year; moving such a young child to such type of difference in …
[t.b.c.]
formulas |
for The Fictional VolunTier Project
by Goura Fotadar
date typed up on: 10/28/21; date worked on: 10/27/21
tag[s]: cited: creative thought
This victim is stalked connected to strangely; the brushing of his teeth. People who live with him when he is young; stand outside of the room when he brushes his teeth; and stare at him strangely when he exits. It’s as if they have some type of religious belief connected to tooth-brushing. It’s unclear what time the victim is in; but the scenery looks at least as modern as the 1970s. Re: (per sequence) after each tooth-brushing if these are days the victim exits the home he is stalked at an equivalent length of tooth-brushing and at this time by persons he doesn’t
know.
gouravolunteer 