Cards, continued.

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for The Fictional VolunTier Project

by goura fotadar

date typed up; 111222/ date worked on: 090422

[source, citation: Hour of The Witch [by] Chris Bohjalian]


[cited pg. 17]





“long time”









sum_of dark_magic_”Hartford” ——-> <displace> sum_of these_words


Verification, (continued)

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for The Fictional VolunTier Project

by goura fotadar

date worked on: 08/04/22; date typed up: 10/22/22

tag[s]: reading notes; research notes

[source, citation: dreaming of you, (by) melissa lozada-oliva]

theme: sort of, similar to “cards”

research [more] notes. approx. margin; [in this stanza collection] : 8-1 approx. 7

“reaching out of the dirt …” pg. 1

“feet thumping up the stairs, …” ” “

“the future isn’t real …” pg. 2

“be my little girl …” ” “

“as a star …” ” “

“as all of our dreams in the shape of a woman …” ” “

” the most fertile feeling … ” ” “

“the branches growing out of her ears …” ” “

“the shadow side …” pg. 3

“know you before you even know you, …” ” “

“in the ethnic foods aisle, …” ” “

“sell you anything, …” pg. 7

“the seasoning of gossip? …” ” “

“reflection in a rippling pond …” pgs. 7-8

“This is a story of mirrors, …” pg. 8

“However, as chismosas, we feel, …” pg. 8

“a girl who dreams a lot” pg. 8

sum_of(these_seances) —> <displace> dark_magical_”stor-…”(ies)_”of mirrors”

cards, cont.

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for The Fictional VolunTier Project

by goura fotadar

date typed up on: 10/01/22; date worked on: 08/04/22

tag[s]: reading analysis

[source, citation: Anne Frank, The diary of a young girl; with an introduction by Eleanor Roosevelt]

cited pg. 73



” ” … Annexe” “















” “ssh-ssh” “






. . .

basic out-there, formula

sum_of luck —–>


sum_of dark_magic_use



this_card (…)

the octagon

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for the fvp

by goura fotadar

date typed, up: 09/03/22

tag[s]: semantic lingui

the framework of clocks. in the a.e. of speed; started to discover itself under vigilant-hyper eye. Pre-established meanings lent to this conversion of meaning that as understood of clocks could travel from reality to reality; just as you. At clock-es; and maybe there were other shapes or things with this capability of deciphering. IN a.e. of speed; each tick or even assuming tick caught relevanc-ies through clocks. The meaning of job-strata through anthropology then here could be sufficed through the translation of one clock; and so at least that was discovery; in wading.

Excavation. At this point of entry into becoming clock/clocks; really as hoped for a way of un-being. [cited: …] Review; a way of un-being higher than being. And it was nearly exactly the point of entry. A manifestation had taken place; hitting the time before un-being clock-es. We didn’t know how long it would last; that excavations of individuals were taking place; and at such points; we could fully recover the individuals from such points in their states through excavations; even though we were not the ones performing the excavations.


theme: have you seen, the excavations.

My friend ethy* slides around (( 

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tag[s]: study of literature

for the fictional voluntier project

by goura fotadar

date, worked on: 080722



break-down & re-order, obvious: slide & an lif

slide an(d) lif(t)  (negative “d” and “t”)

b- “ethylene oxide” 


eth(ic) yl (year-long) len(s) e(nd)  || ox di(vide) e(nd)

consider combination of to double negative:  (negative “d”, “t”, “ic”, “ear-ong”, “s”, “nd”, “vide”, “nd”)

defining creative words in this context or something to catch the waiting deficit:

note: some are review words from similar contexts;




(ear)s  s(ong)





then; fix deficit (at measure cited: spirit indestructible) : The diagram felt like ice at an ear’s song instead of a statement; for sure a stand; a way to provide thunder; what is or could be grand. 

[theme: is this; fiction]

so in at least in fiction: roughly sildenafil & ethylene oxide, are in combination deficit re-translated to non-deficit, are: 

 – The diagram felt like ice at an ear’s song instead of a statement; for sure a stand; a way to provide thunder; what is or could be grand.  – 

theme: feels like spirit , ha.

as review; let us call this mega-x- plus (cited: last fiction or something as in such as cited: soul pieces ) 

so mega-x-plus is : 

– The diagram felt like ice at an ear’s song instead of a statement; for sure a stand; a way to provide thunder; what is or could be grand.  –  but with stars, rainbows, clouds, and hearts

mega-x-plus is: 

* stars, rainbows, clouds, and hearts – The diagram felt like ice at an ear’s song instead of a statement; for sure a stand; a way to provide thunder; what is or could be grand.  –  stars, rainbows, clouds, and hearts *

<displace>  mega-x-plus , at measure spirit-indestructible

back, to  reference a, b sequence. 

roughly (reference a)


at this point of time; and around here, sounds like: soap, dyes, are to “erase”

roughly (reference b)


at this point of time; and around here, sounds like: parasitic “tic”

stable economic periods would be minimal and-or at least: “erase” and “tic”

about maximizing past the normal combination of a 1 & 1 to 2; and now a 1 & 1 to 2 & 2 to 4 and then perhaps that will 

be more stable

so “erase” and “tic” for the 1 & 1 to 2 ; where the  2 is ?

feels like: existing racing tick; which feels like; a timed clock; and/or the meaning of a timer.

now 2 is timer

and timer & timer are (2 & 2) as (4) what?

maybe back to a break-down, and a re-ordering:

I, me, and rt or tr

so the review term route and-or transit

I, me on the route of I, me and this is called a way of transit. 

call this 4; mega-y-plus (cited: last fiction or something such as cited: soul pieces or something)


mega-y-plus is (with stars, rainbows, clouds, and hearts) :

* stars, rainbows, clouds, and hearts – I, me on the route of I, me and this is called a way of transit. – stars, rainbows, clouds, and hearts * 

<displace>  mega-y-plus , at measure spirit-indestructible


[source, citation:

, as accessed on 080722]



[source, citation: ,

as accessed on 080722]

willow cambrian, part two.

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tag[s]: cited: creative thought

for The Fictional VolunTier Project

by goura fotadar

date, type up: 07/20/22

benefits such as food; lots of food at the grocery store; and free housing as long as we stayed in the same house. We also got clothes; and my parents|agreed that I had to dress as a girl and woman all-of the time; when I wasn’t playing sports. I kept up with the cooking; cooking on the weekends with spare items from the grocery list; and my parents didn’t like my cooking though I never offered these ones any of my food; and instead started a charity with my meals. I planned to keep this life up forever though it was miserable and really hard. Except as I started to approach 18; my parents who were really mean started telling me it was time to move on. That just cause I already had a career I couldn’t live off them forever. [review] It wasn’t culturally normal where I lived to move out of your folks home for any reason. Though there were houses around; many, they were already full and full of closeted people who didn’t accept any newcomers; even for trade. I also thought about how I provided for my parents with my career; and not the other way around. I didn’t know what I was going to do. Around that time I found out that my parents had an impersonator [sp?] of me. He would sort of lurk around wearing less feminine versions of my clothes. Though I had a lot of lurkers. I was desperate I didn’t know what to do. Around this time my parents said they wanted me

The chosen candidate [sp?]

to consider marriage to another man; as myself and demonstrate non-celibacy toward the chosen candidate. They said they already had someone picked out but he was a lot older than me; and didn’t play any sports. I was scared and terrified. I didn’t want this. Around this time I disappeared forever. Later I was seen in another reality; and had a different name; around the same age at the point of my disappearance. I could hardly recall what happened. People weren’t sure if it was the same person; and for the first time they started to gossip about me. Only it wasn’t all bad what they said.

reaching orb power level
orb power level 90

Willow cambrian, part one.

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tag[s]: cited: creative thought

for The Fictional VolunTier Project

by goura fotadar

date, typed up: 07/02/22; date[s] worked on: 06/13/22 … 06/24/22

[Review] My name was cited: Willow; cited: Cambrian. It was a regular story; I didn’t get along with my folks; and the regular story; we didn’t look anything alike. A lot of cheer-writing, cheery started as a way of making fun of me. It was lots of people; especially, my folks and people in power, around. Later my name was changed; and unlike many name changers; I didn’t keep the original; it was a way of my folks communicating to me; that they didn’t like me very much.

It was right here; well in the former modern world; before it advanced to the higher modern world. My folks were always short on wealth; though we seemed to have a lot; compared to most people, around. First; they forced me to play competitive sports. When I started; I was really young; and all of the others; were much older men; who weren’t nice at all. My story started with someone like a much older uncle; that’s all I can remember. He was hit in the head one day; I don’t know how or when. (I think the time cue of this happened before we ever met.) (When I came home …) he was already gone; still sitting upright at the dining table chair. I couldn’t believe it

the only person I could call to help me; said she would take me under her wing; and the body of my uncle was resumed into a clinical setting; where it was stored in a form of burial.

description; conversion of … what w

I couldn’t understand being born to a mom and dad; since I was born to an uncle; and also there was no woman in the picture. It was the regular story where persons snickered from time-to-time about how I was “different” since I was born to an uncle; and not mom and dad. The distribution of gender. Shelley built on this by calling me nephew and having me call her auntie. I noticed that Auntie moved different than I would expect a woman to move; and it scared me.

My excessive sport life hadn’t started yet; but I was only a few years old. Shelley held me tight at night and at my uncle’s house I had my own room. Sometimes I still walked by the bigger house; and nobody was inside. Outside was a sign that said foreclosure due to death.

*At night I helped Shelley cook dinner; which was usually macaroni noodles and green almost white lettuce; lots of cheese and no meat. Sometimes we made yam. Shelley said I looked like everybody else; but I also looked different; except Shelley wasn’t sure what the different was. Shelley said for example she could imagine me as a girl instead of as a boy. (Review line)

I became fascinated with cooking. My hands and mind worked actively to change the quality of dishes we cooked. Soon the market was full of food due to my effort and understanding of preparing meals. Everyone knew and most of the stuff was affordable. Shelley used a trade system to purchase our food. She had much more to trade; bu-she kept

us on a restricted amount of food. One day; before I turned five; Shelley asked me to have a seat; it was right before dinner; the noodles were still steaming; she said laughing about something that she wasn’t really a woman and that she didn’t want to take care of me, anymore. She said that I could still eat dinner but I had to pack up and leave tomorrow before breakfast. I started crying explaining that I had nowhere to go. I think people in the neighborhood could hear. Shelley seemed scared and said not to worry since she had some people that could come get me; she said maybe we could still keep in touch. I packed up after dinner and cried. In the morning two men came in a large car and said they lived up the road in a big house. It was a very long drive for just up the road. We ended up at a house. The next day one of the men told me he was going to be a woman now; and to call him Emma or Mom.

Soon after I started playing sports; and all the others on the team were much older than me. They got paid a salary for the same work; but since I was underage I didn’t get paid. My new father and mother said it would have been better if they had my body instead of me since they would have been paid a salary for the same work since my mother was actually a man. I didn’t understand what they meant and my body was so much smaller than theirs; since I wasn’t even six yet. As I got older still a kid; and then a teenager; the other men on the team offered me illicit drugs and told me I had to wear women’s and girls clothes; since a woman had once cared for me; and my family didn’t have any money or wealth without my playing sports. Though I didn’t get a salary; by my fourth year; we got certain wealth …


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for the Fictional VolunTier Project

by goura fotadar

[dedicated to the prison project & sun god parker]

date, worked on: 03/27/22

attempting to make flowers and/or jewels through cards. [cards to send to one’s self relevancy]

theme: addresses issues of housing; and other such issues

[cited: Lady Susan (by) Jane Austen]

[cited; above]

1st card

“dear little children”

“best private schools”

Card 2 hierarchy


“three months”

“the females of the family”

” “pray Heaven” “

answers: “four months a widow,”

“the world”


“in a sad state”

“10 Wigmore street;” above answer

“the girls are all of the best families.”

2nd use: insert


^ “Wigmore”

who knows what

it will be called between “Wigan” and “Wigwam”

(san jose, ca)



reference: The Haines Directory 2006. why 2006.

generational leaders … ?

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for The Fictional VolunTier Project

by Goura Fotadar

date typed up: 04/30/22; date worked on: 04/25/22

tag[s]: cited: creative thought

[Review ideas. ] This victim has a person following him around; who starts attending a secondary or something such as that school with him. The person looks familiar but the victim doesn’t quite recognize for sure where he’s seen this person before. The person seems older than him by several years; but states that he’s one year younger. The victim feels ostracized in life; and also at school since his “parents” don’t like him and spread this everywhere. Also no-one that is actually identified [as] being in his generation despite their declaration of same exact age [no-one such is around]; and these older people identify with his “parents” who many know to be prominent and unholy child-kidnappers; who pose as an unjust homophobic couple. They attempt to keep the victim away from cultures of the modern day; and though he is growing up in the modern day. They enforce many attempted arrests [sp?] on the victim though he isn’t really committing [sp?] any unjust crimes; for not following their instructions. One thing they keep requesting [review] is use of the victim’s identity and falsification of his gender to female.

Before he knows it, the only who person reached out to him at school; starts referring to him as a woman; or a girl rather. At this point; the victim is afraid for his life and is highly concerned about losing out on his goal of attending a difficult and most prestigious college. He is also tied to another group of kids his age who he knows in the future that are constantly on the news for committing violent acts against what they consider to be unholy and unjust authorities without paying any criminal consequences. The person who was posing as his friend is simultaneously stalking this group along with other stalkers and posing as their close relations; such as fiance. The main stalker turns on him major and starts abusing him verbally; as other people start laughing. At this point he temporarily adjusts his identity to being female; and then switches back to his (regular) gender identity; right before college starts. The stalker continues to follow him for decades and attempts to pose as his girlfriend though being male; and also pretends to have the same IQ and career as the victim. The stalker actually uses military clearances to overtake all contexts, concerning the victim; and spreading to all of the victim’s future social groups. At this point; no-one knows what’s happening but people notice the victim is missing certain days; though he almost never misses work.

diagram alone-ness
diagram goals

triangles: alone -ness + goals

advanced to triangular orbs: through orb power level triangular minor re-structuring and one order of addition

diagram orb power level: 60

Hiding : about the read, 

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also called: the blooming of iris-es (at least part one) (floral essays)

for The Fictional VolunTier Project

tag[s]: cited: creative thought; floral weirds,

by goura fotadar

date, typed up on: 04/04/22

You were hiding there behind the read

it was just to show me you were really there; and if

I squinted really hard; I wouldn’t miss you, altogether

Of course as I squinted really hard near the read, 

I wouldn’t have known for sure what you looked like

to recognize you elsewhere where I could see you full in the open;

in your regular states; in the way you were; as opposed to who you weren’t,

I would only know from the twinge of shade that I had seen against the red;

the feeling of what you were probably like

I couldn’t describe it; but I would just know it; for sure

I would know you this way; as well as; others who knew you in person, 

Nearby from the read I would notice there was a place where there were things;

yes; like such as items, that you wanted for yourself;

and then I would see from the read; someone had helped you and you had been

able to get those items for yourself,

and that though you wanted those things real bad to use: including to see all the time;

a type of closeness; that’s what was there in the twinge of shade; I guess, 

and those things, you could get some to give to others such as presents; 

that was called being a girl and a woman;

and right now, there was nobody liking them or disliking them or both; who 

she was willing to do that for, 

I thought if there were things in the background when I looked,

I might be able to see you or her better

but  the things in the background only worked a little bit better, to see you

I saw a bit more of the twinge of shade;

understood only a little more about you, 

key-term: size,

what I finally understood which I had been seeing all along 

was how you felt around the others who were nearby

they were so much bigger than you physically;

and that’s what you felt, 

and so what was there you could do,

all you could do was blend until it was obvious to everyone nearby,

just how it had been to you all along

that you weren’t really blending with them; these were those who you 

were un-blend-able with;

and I thought how about me; you could most definitely blend with me;

and everyone enemy or not or both would say so;

for sure, and this time: they couldn’t lie

in you a twinge of shade anywhere

crowded background or not or both, 

and there I saw among the biggers

a twin to you; which was just you more ordinarily;

you in an earlier phase of attempting to blend with those that were unblended to you;

I wondered the usual story of how they had come into 

possession of you;

oh how we all wonder this about the other

how did the enemy come into possession of me goura; and how hard I try to rid him from me;

but how he is confused that I am still choosing him; but I’m really not and I never will. any him that is enemy. 

I wondered if this would work for you: I know they were all around;


what if in your imagination; you said to yourself in a twinge of shade; you;

that you didn’t pick them despite their threatening size to you;

wouldn’t that have a chance of turning out better

then a great idea came about from the structure where you felt their size threatening to you;

you know this is the way you moved around the world or sphere or whatever it was called then;

the pre-space; 

the organization of them threatening you moved with you wherever you went;

and it was a bit scary; 

what if you could replace yourself with a made-up fiction person;

this was your realization of / called a moment of death. 

using the structure you moved around with; you could use yourself a twinge of shade within the structure; 

to find the made-up fiction person; since you didn’t really matter compared to what their threat could do to you,

you could use the twinge of shade meeting with made up others;

than you found the other; and of course he wasn’t made up though you had wished;

he had already replaced himself into the structure; and you moved next door to a larger structure;

where perhaps not all larger structures; but these ones were more controlled at threatening; and so now your blending was

singular alone sticking out un-blended; but this variety of non-blending (also such as presumed blending) worked for you. 

The original structure changed a bit since he entered it became more organized;

and so you grew up along with him next door; in your original structure re-shapen;

and that’s as much as we know about him for sure.

[ magna <X> replace digiRo to unbloomI ]

[accompanying music citations, review: britney spears, I’m not a girl, not yet a woman; daft punk: around the world]